Some Thoughts About Marriage...

   

With so many sweet, young friends of ours as well as some of our own kids, either having married  recently, getting married soon, or talking about getting married, some thoughts about marriage and the seriousness of it have popped into my head.

     I'm not an expert on the subject. That's probably not a news flash to 99.9% of you. For the other .1%, I'm not.  I came into my marriage a beautiful shade of green which was probably not uncommon for a young lady who married in the early 1980's. I really do believe that I loved Tim as much as I knew how at that point of my life. It wasn't until I had been married for some time that I understood how little I knew in what loving my husband was all about. I believe most couples who have been married for any length of time will probably say something similar.  The real shocker to me was when I realized that it wasn't about me at all! It went from being about me to being about Tim...and us.

     Let me preface what I am about to say by saying that I do believe that most of those sweet, young friends of ours and children have made wise choices in their selections.  That's a thrill for us to see. They have been able to not just see the present and have the fairytale feelings that go along with getting engaged, planning a wedding and getting married but to look down the road and "see" this person that they are planning to spend the rest of their life with. They have been able to look at some real life concerns...What kind of leader will he be in our family?  Would he be the kind of father that I would want to raise my children? What about God? Would he/she lead me to God or away from God? Would he/she lead our children to or away from God? Is he/she one that will "leave his/her father and mother" and cleave to me?

     Some of what I will say may offend.  That's not my intent. I'm concerned. I'm concerned that far too many are failing to look at God's word when it comes to the seriousness of marriage.  I'm concerned the most when I see both young men and women placing their trust, their confidence, their heart in the hands of one who, from every appearance, has given little, if any, thought to the God who created them. That's scary.  Girls, what are when you thinking when you willingly submit yourselves to a man who hasn't submitted himself to God? You're placing your life, your welfare, your soul in the hands of a man who has chosen not to have God as a priority in his life.

     We know from Ephesians 5 that males and females are equal in their relationship to Christ, but God gives specific roles to each in marriage. Verse 23 gives the role of leadership or head to the husband. Does this mean he can be a dictator or condescending to his wife because he is the head?  Absolutely not! He's commanded to love her as Christ loved the church. He's commanded to love her with an "agape love". That love is the love that seeks what is best for her.  It is chosen.  It is a love done on purpose. There are times when, in a marriage, you have to choose to love - not because you necessarily feel it at the time, but because God has commanded you to love.  (If you've never been in that situation, you just haven't been married long enough!) Verses 28-29 tells men to love their wives in the same way that they love their own bodies, feeding and caring for them. Girls, think about that. Don't be blind. Is he the kind of man that will care for you in this way? Guys, are you willing to love her in the way God has commanded?

     Girls, you are told in Eph. 5:33 to respect your husbands. Is he the kind of person that you truly respect for who he is, the kind of life he leads, the example that he shows to others. Will he lead you to God or will he lead you away from God? If he isn't this kind of person, what are you doing???

     The wonderful thing about my marriage though, was and still is, that we were both trying our best to serve God.  Although we were and still are far from perfect, our goal has always been to please God and when that is the goal, the frustrations and difficulties that come with marriage are small. They can be worked out, usually easily, because the heart is trying to please God. When that is not the goal of both the husband and wife, the frustrations and difficulties can turn small hills into mountains to climb.

     I'm thankful for folks, young and old who have lived their lives in their marriages as Godly examples. What a joy it is to see real love between a husband and a wife.  So many people come to my mind when I think of what it is to really love your spouse. It absolutely can be a taste of heaven on earth.  At the same time, it's heartbreaking to see folks, young and old, make poor decisions that will impact them for the rest of their lives.  Marriage is one of those life long decisions. God intended it to be for life. We've allowed easy divorce to become a part of our culture. How sad. That was not in God's plan at all. Please, please treat the thought of marriage with the prayer and the seriousness that it deserves.

Our world took on a smiley face.

     Hey ya'll! It's been a while, I know, and I'm a little bit late with our latest news.  Things have been kind of hectic around here!  Our world took on a smiley face on March 25 when Jarred McCrary asked our Katie to be his wife. Their wedding is planned for June 28...yes, I said June 28. And yes, that's only 3 months! So, we had to kick it into high gear really fast!

I've had so many sweet friends let me know that they will gladly help in any way.  Thanks ya'll!  I've already called on some of you and will definitely be asking for some more help...so much to do!

Anyway, we're terribly excited for them and thank God for his loving-kindness and care.

Here's a peak at some of Katie and Jarred's engagement photo session.  The photographer is Cindy Shaver Photography of Huntsville, AL.   Yes, she's awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kooCcL4bK4

It's so hard...

  
  As a lot of you know, I've had a roller coaster issue with my weight for many, many years. I guess most of my adult life.  I know I'm not alone. I've heard many of you talk about the same thing, up and down, up and down.  It's so frustrating!  It seems like when I think I have conquered it in the past, it crept back up again, and there I was as heavy or heavier than I was before I lost the weight.

     Some contribute excess weight to genetics, some to environment. Others to just consistently making really poor choices or feeling as though they are addicted to certain types of food. My thoughts?  All of the above. I really do believe that all of those factors play a role in our physical bodies. Children who have heavy parents tend to be heavy themselves. Food, bad food is all around us and constantly advertised. It is just so difficult to consistently make good choices when our world, especially the Southern part of the US has no function unless food is involved.  It IS all around us! But then I got to thinking...you know, a person could easily have those same thoughts about things that we, as a society, consider really detrimental to our health., like drugs. My parents were "druggies". It's all around me! I have such a hard time making good choices when it comes to doing drugs.  My body craves them. Hmmm...

      I found this the other day when I was reading a book that Katie gave me years ago.

"Self-control is kind of like a gravy boat.  Sure, you've got it, but you don't ever use it.  We battle with our conscience, bargaining for one more minute of sleep, one more hour of television, one more piece of pie, one more new sweater...We know that we shouldn't, but we find the most imaginative (and illogical) ways to justify our actions and push self-control out the window.  More often than not, self-control often loses the inner debate.

 

There's a line from an old children's song that defines self-control this way: 'Self-control is just controlling yourself.  It's listening to your heart and doing what is smart.'"

 

Legacy of Virtue, A Devotional for Mothers

by

Amy Nappa and Jody Brolsma

As much as I hated to admit it, when I made the spiritual application to my life concerning self control with what I allow to be taken into my body, it seemed to click for me. Is it easy? No. It continues to be difficult for me every single day...every single day. It's an area in my life that I really struggle with. But children of God, true children of God live to please their master, not themselves. Pleasing Him is their top priority in every aspect of their life. If we are taught to add self control to our lives, how can we justify falling short here? It's just one of many things that we're told to add to our lives, but it is no less important. The question is, "Am I willing to make the application in this area of my life?"

⁵ But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, ⁶ to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, ⁷ to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 2 Peter 1:5-7

 

365 Days...

Sometimes, 365 days seems like a long time. Other times it seems impossible that 365 days have passed.  

I've heard so much lately about today being set apart as a special day  "to remember".  For those whose lives were touched by the forces of nature last April, it's not just a day that the remembering takes place.  I'm sure there hasn't been a day that has passed in the last 365 that those who bore witness to such chaos haven't daily thought about it. They were not just touched by the forces of nature; their lives were dismantled.

Even though a year, 365 days, has passed, I continue to pray that our Father will keep on reaching out and wrapping His arms around those who still hurt, those who still grieve, those who are trying their best to move forward and that He will not only lead them in the direction they need to go but that He will make the path clear for them.

 365 days later, I still fervently ask for that and I still know beyond doubt that He will do that.  Understanding how isn't important. Continuing to have the faith necessary to believe that He will though is everything.

Just another game?

In the overall scheme of things, it was just another football game. Granted, the stakes were higher this time. The two teams were playing for the right to be called National Champions but still, in my opinion, the importance of all football games are miniscule compared to most things in life.

But to most of the alumni, to the students, to those who live in that college town, and to those who have had Tuscaloosa in their hearts since last April, it was more than just another game. It seemed to take on another level of importance.  If you don't fit into any of those categories, it may be difficult to understand but those young men played with an intensity that I haven't seen in a long time (and I'm a graduate from many moons ago). It seemed like it was an effort that said "We've been knocked down by the kinds of things that will change us for life. We've been knocked down so hard that sometimes we wonder how we'll ever get back up but one thing is for sure tonight...YOU'RE not stopping us!  We will leave no doubt when it's over."

Remember, those same kids out on the field lived in that college town too when Mother Nature wreaked havoc last spring. They saw the devastation.  They knew personally of the deaths. They lived it.  And while I would never say that others haven't experienced devastation and sorrow like Tuscaloosa, I think when something of that magnitude happens to us or someone we love, and it's still very fresh in our minds, it causes us to possess an emotion that is hard to find otherwise -  not impossible, just hard. And emotions can give a person motivation. They can help a person reach deep down and accomplish some things that probably under ordinary circumstances would be very difficult. It was like those young men had a fire inside of them, a fire that was not going to be put out until they were done. It seemed as though they were playing with a whole different attitude - an attitude of giving something to others.

I've heard Saban speak very highly of the kind of kids that were on this team, the service that they often did for others. I  don't know the kids personally so I can't speak to that. What I do know is that they put a lot of smiles on a lot of faces and allowed a lot of people to think about something else...something fun and good for a time.  So while most folks would look at it as just a football game, to those who hold the Crimson Tide and the people and city of Tuscaloosa dear in their hearts,  January 9, 2012 was a refreshing evening of pure enjoyment!

Gratitude

     As the national day of Thanksgiving approaches, I think it causes us to look more closely at who we are, where we've been and where we're going. It's not about the stuff we have although we have been supplied with things so far above what any of us could have imagined, so much more than our daily needs.
     I pray that we've taken the opportunity this year to grow into more of the kind of person that the Lord would have us be. We're not promised tomorrow, you know, so we need to be doing our best to wisely use the time that we know we have.
    So, here are some things that I have become more keenly aware of recently, some things that I have come to greatly appreciate.

O Lord, I thank thee...

- for not only surviving but thriving to the "empty nest" phase with the love of my youth and for his willingness to lead our family by example. Actions speak so much louder than words. He's a keeper, for sure.
- for my oldest who has kept on despite history and the odds.
- for those young men and women at KSR who continue to rise to the occasion as they're given opportunity. You're growing and you amaze me!
- for those not-so-young men and women at KSR who continue to work toward the goal even though their bodies are frail and weary at times. You encourage me to want to do better.
- for new found friends and old faithfuls.
- for being patient with me.
- for a young man's willingness to meet us on a stormy nite at an Interstate exit with a 5 gallon can of gasoline. I have no doubt that you were truly a God-send.
- for my children who understand what loving family is all about. You went far above and beyond...
- for increasing my trust and helping me understand, really understand that You are faithful.
- for my family in Christ who has exemplified love. Where would we have been without you?
- for my child who has walked a path that few her age will ever walk with grace and a stronger dependence on You. With Your guidance, she continues to put one foot in front of the other.
- for the passing of time, because it helps.
- to have known a sweet, smiling, gentle, young man named Marcus. What a joy!
- for loving me so much.

My cup runs over Lord.

The Table

We have this table in our kitchen that is probably close to 20 years old.  It's an oak table with a leaf in the center. The table will easily seat 6 and can seat up to 10 or so when extra folding chairs are placed around it. Our oak table has served countless meals to our family with high chairs pulled to its side. As the years passed, booster seats were added to the chairs so the kids could reach their plates. As the kids grew, many a class project or homework assignment was done around that oak table.  Our table has offered its' service as a resting place for foods like pizza or hot ham and cheese sandwiches that the teens would snack on after singing praises to our God on the first Sunday nites of the month for the last 10 years.  That oak table has also hosted many a conversation, some serious and some not-so-serious for many, many years. It has even been the place where events of long ago have been revealed by some of our kids. They would typically begin with something like, "Did I ever tell you about the time...".

A couple of weeks ago, I took the leaf out of that oak table. Tim and I no longer have the need to have the larger table in our kitchen anymore with just the two of us at home now. I actually took the leaf out a few days before Mikayla, our youngest, left for college.  She didn't like it.  It was not okay to her for that large oval table to now be a small, round table.

But it wasn't the size of the table really that mattered.  It's what the table represents - that table that has been a part of our home for as long as our children can remember. I would be telling less than the truth if I said it didn't sadden me just a bit to see its shape change from oval to round. It seems that taking the leaf out gave the whole situation a sense of finality.  Tim and I really are in the "empty nest" phase of our life. That's so hard to believe!

It's such a strange feeling with mixed emotions.  On the one hand, I'm so thankful that my children are growing and learning and leaving. I wouldn't want it any other way, really. I'm grateful for the kind of human beings that they are working on becoming -"remembering their Creator in the days of their youth". I'm grateful of the fact that I do believe they have come to understand that walking with God doesn't make the difficulties of life go away but it does make them bearable and that sometimes, here on earth, it's just not going to get any better than that ...bearable. I hope realizing that puts a longing in them for a place so much better.

On the other hand, the house is quieter, the closets are more empty, the table is smaller. All of that kind of leaves a void but I'm working to fill that void with useful, good things. I would never want to waste this time of my life resenting the fact that my children are no longer at the physical place where they grew up. The place where they really are and will always be is a place that can't be seen with the eyes but only felt with the heart.

For now, the extra leaf for the table is in a cool, comfortable resting place waiting for the time when it's pulled out again and put to work. Who knows?  Maybe even decorating cookies or coloring with grand kids?  I'm looking forward to that time when I can expand it again to it's rightful size!

Blossoms by Bev...



Miss Alisha Gayle Grant,
escorted by her grandfather,
Mr. Stan Dvorak

 A young lady that we've been fortunate to know her entire life married last week.  We watched her grow from a little girl with a loud laugh to a young woman whose desire is to serve the Lord. This "second mom" was so thrilled to be able to witness the union of Alisha Grant and Tyler Loveless last Thursday at Stonebridge Farm in Cullman. Everything about the evening was beautiful...the bride and her attendants, the venue, the reception...everything. And of course, the guys have never been more handsome.

I had the opportunity and was given the honor of putting together the flowers for the entire wedding party. I was very pleased with how they turned out but more importantly, the bride was pleased.  I've posted a few of the photos from that wedding.

Love you Alisha and Tyler!



Bridal Bouquet - View 1





Bridal Bouquet - View 2

 

















Mr. and Mrs. Tyler Loveless

 


The Groomsmen wore yellow boutonnieres.




The bridesmaids carried yellow bouquets.

 
 


Groom's Boutonniere





Alisha's Attendants









The South...

I found a coffee mug recently that had a definition of "the south". I had to have it.  It reads...

"THE SOUTH"
(TH EE SAU TH) NOUN

The place where...
1. Tea is sweet and accents are sweeter.
2. Summer starts in April.
3. Macaroni and Cheese is a vegetable.
4. Pecan Pie is a staple.
5. Ya'll is the only proper noun.
6. Chicken is fried and biscuits come with gravy.
7. Everything is Darlin'.
8. Someones heart is always being blessed.

Although some of it's a little bit strange to others, most of these definitions really are what make up the beauty of the south.  It's not just a place, an area of our country, it's a way of life. Sure, you can move away  but once it's in your blood, it never leaves you. I was just thinkin' and added a few more definitions to those above.

My south is the place...

9. where fields as far as the eye can see are covered with "southern snow" in the fall

10. where it's hard to let go of stuff that belonged to grandma or grandpa. It is just stuff but it's also a part of who you are.

11. where you break a sweat in the summertime just walking to the mailbox.

12. where vegetables from the garden like fresh green beans, fresh corn, okra, turnip greens, squash and sliced tomatoes make regular appearances on the table.

13. where eating is very much a social thing. A true southerner wouldn't think of inviting someone over without offering them a meal or at least dessert and coffee.

14. where jams and jellies, pickles and relishes are of the homemade variety.

15. where people know how to hug you...real, hard, genuine hugs...the kind of hugs that you feel all the way down to your bones, the kind of hugs that let you know somebody else really does care.

16. where people pull together when it really matters.

17. where I've been honored to spend most of life.

Blessings in a Whirlwind

Blessings in a Whirlwind... Some things I've been thinking about.
by Bev Smith

I've been thinking a lot lately about blessings. What do we typically think of when we think of God blessing us? I think it's safe to say that we usually think of God sending His blessings when positive things happen in our lives such as the birth of a child, financial success, healthy family members, a new job coming through, safety from a storm, etc. I know from experience that it's easy to praise God when things are going well in our lives. But when our lives take a path that we never envisioned and we're forced to deal with events, situations that we would never have imagined or dreamed, we might begin to wonder how the same God is with us? Why do we have so much more difficulty finding blessings and praising God in those times? That, I believe, is what will define us as children of God. Trust in God is at the very root of what makes us His children. And although it can be difficult to do, we have to be able to see through those truly heartbreaking times and know that God is faithful. We can come out of what may be a tragedy with our trust in the Lord strengthened but we have to determine to do that.

The last month has been a difficult one for my family as well as many others. If you're not from Alabama and reading this, our state had a devastating line of tornadoes on April 27, 2011 killing 238 people in the state. A violent F-4 tornado swept a 1/2 mile wide, 5.9 mile long path across the city of Tuscaloosa. On that night, many, many families' lives were forever changed. Ours was not exempt. In Tuscaloosa, Marcus Smith, my daughter, Katie's, boyfriend of over 2 years was killed. Katie and Marcus met at church during their freshman year at the University of Alabama. They loved each other deeply and were planning a future together.

I know intellectually from the scriptures several things. I know that God's children are not immune to "time and chance" (Eccl. 9:11) and that God sends the rain on the just and unjust. (Matt. 5:45) I also know that it is possible for God to change His will in regard to events on earth if He so chooses. Two examples of this were when King Hezekiah's life was extended by 15 years after he prayed to God (2 Kings 20:1-11, Isa. 38:1-5) and when God stopped the rain for 3 years and 6 months when Elijah prayed to Him. (James 5:16-18).

While I know these things, I don't pretend to be able to explain all of the whys - why God allows some things to happen and chooses to intervene in others. The older I get, it seems the less I understand at times. But I'm not convinced that it's "the whys" that even matter. What matters is that I trust.

Even though the fervent prayers for many days of so many Christians did not bring us what we desperately desired - for Marcus to be found safe and alive, I know that the Lord used those same prayers to shed a glimmer of light when those days were the darkest that Marcus' family, Katie, and my family had ever seen. Those same prayers gave a father, a mother, and a brother the strength they needed to find him. Those same prayers held up our arms when we could not hold them up on our own. The prayers helped us feel the love of the family of Christ by knowing that so many were with us in spirit. Those blessings didn't come in the physical sense though, something we could touch, but they surely found their way to our hearts. And to a child of God, that is a blessing that cannot be measured.

The days ahead will be mixed...some more difficult than others but I know that our God and Father who is over all will bring us through.  I don't know how He'll do it, but I know, without a doubt that He will. He is faithful.

So when you speak with the Father, if you would continue to remember the family of Marcus Smith and our family, "that He would bring us up out of a horrible pit and put a new song in our mouths", we would be forever grateful.

"1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,

And heard my cry.

2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,

Out of the miry clay,

And set my feet upon a rock,

And established my steps.

3 He has put a new song in my mouth—

Praise to our God;

Many will see it and fear,

And will trust in the LORD."

Psalms 40:1-3

P.S.
On Sunday, May 22, 2011, another violent tornado hit the city of Joplin, MO.  According to news reports,  over 120 people have lost their lives and  approximately 30% of the city has been destroyed.  My heart hurts for them. Hold on...God is faithful.